Something Shiny! » Research

It’s magic everywhere

emily — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 01:59:09 +0000

I’ve been grinning non-stop for about a day and a half now. Yesterday afternoon, at the end of a long and demanding journey, I defended my dissertation. It’s so strange that four and a half years of work comes down to two hours’ worth of a defense (it doesn’t, of course, but that’s how it feels). In the days leading up to my defense, I kept marking time in relation to those two hours: “it’s the Wednesday before my defense” became “it’s the weekend before my defense” became “it’s twelve hours before my defense… and wow, James Franco seems bored.” I wouldn’t say that I was nervous because I never thought that my committee wouldn’t pass me. But I was anxious about the moment: making sure I was prepared, hoping that I wouldn’t sound like a moron, and the like. It’s also funny because a defense is sort of pro forma: your committee won’t agree to a defense unless they feel that you’re ready. So, in a sense, the decision had already been made two months ago when we scheduled it. Still, that doesn’t really detract from the significance of the occasion. I got to the building ahead of time and found a quiet place to listen to some music. Then I took a deep breath and went into the conference room. I did my presentation, answered a slew of questions (some of them more articulately than others) and then, at the end of an hour and a half, my committee asked me to leave the room. I paced around in the hallway and after a few minutes my advisor came out. She took my hand, shook it, and very quietly said, “Dr. Casey.” Then she gave me a big hug. I can’t even tell you what that felt like. I’d imagined it for years, and the moment was finally upon me. It took my breath away. I walked into the room and, to the applause of my committee, she introduced me as Dr. Casey. It was all so much of a blur, to be honest, and I’m still processing it. No longer a doctoral candidate; now a doctor. (Not a doctor that can help people, mind you. I’m reminded of last year’s Christmas episode of 30 Rock: “Listen to me damn it, I’m a doctor.” “Of history! In what emergency would you be necessary? If someone wanted to know whether the 60s were awesome or not?”) This has all been such a tremendous experience– difficult, of course, but incredibly rewarding also– and it’s hard to believe that it’s over. I’m blown away by all the good wishes and congratulations that have been pouring in since yesterday. I hope I never forget how this feels.

Coming up for air

emily — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 15:41:53 +0000

Folks, I have missed this space. It’s been nearly a month since I blogged and in that time, I’ve been under water. To say “my dissertation has kept me busy” doesn’t even come close. It would be more accurate (and more colorful) to say “my dissertation has made me its bitch.” But! There’s a light at the end of the tunnel. Today, I’m turning it in because today, I’m three weeks out from my oral defense. At the moment, on two hours’ sleep, I’m too tired to even have butterflies about the defense. I’ll spend the next few weeks formatting my dissertation to meet the university’s requirements (Microsoft styles, anyone?), and preparing for the defense, but right now? Right now I could just use a nap.

What does it all mean?

emily — Fri, 12 Nov 2010 13:15:37 +0000

I’m in the final throes of dissertation work and boy, are my arms tired. (Nope, that joke doesn’t fly. I’ll work on another one.) At this point, I’ve done all the research, I’ve described all the main points, and I’ve pretty much sketched most of the trees in the forest. Now is the time to step back and figure out what it all means, what the forest as a whole looks like. And holy cow, I wish I knew earlier how hard this part of the process would be. (Though, you know, “if wishes were fishes” and “if it were easy, everyone would do it” and all that. Still. Still.) I always tell my students that they need to be able to articulate the “so what” part of history: why is [whatever it is] important? And I beat them about the head and neck with “so what” until they finally get it. And now, apparently, it’s my turn, which explains why I have all these bruises on my head and neck. So I’m working through my very own “so what” phase right now. And it’s to the point where I wake up in the middle of the night, grab the pad of paper and pen that I keep on my nightstand, and scrawl “so what” notes to myself. Like last night’s super-helpful “notion of anxiety.” My 8:00 Friday morning self would like to phone my 2:00 Friday morning self and ask for more elaboration. Or, to use one of the comments I frequently write on my students’ papers (in red, natch), “Unclear. What is it you’re trying to convey?” I’ll figure it out, of course, I always do. But it’s times like these when I feel like I’m the kid in the corner wearing a dunce hat. “So what?” ummmm…. durrrrrr…. ….. …….

The bloody show

emily — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 13:27:49 +0000

No, still no baby. But I had a meeting with my dissertation committee yesterday afternoon and, I don’t know, the title seemed to fit. (Not that it was bad, you understand– just something that had to be gotten through before my dissertation could be properly… birthed? This metaphor has taken a weird turn.) This was a meeting for which I was eminently prepared and, having turned in the draft near the beginning of June, one which was a long time coming. I won’t say that I was particularly nervous about it, just that I had some trepidation about one committee member in particular who can be a bit of a challenge. In the days leading up to it, I wondered in which hand I should hold the olive branch (and in which hand, the arrows). Ultimately, it went smoothly and it was quite productive. I’ve now got an inordinate number of helpful suggestions that I’ll sift through, using some and discarding others, to make the final product more… final product-y. In the meantime, we continue to await news on Nikki’s baby, who seems to have decided he needs to cook a bit longer before making his grand entrance. (This kid is clearly going to be a handful.)

Victory is mine!

emily — Tue, 11 May 2010 12:15:46 +0000

I turned in my dissertation to my advisor last night. No, wait. Let me rephrase that: I turned in my dissertation to my advisor last night, holy cow! Victory is mine! I drink from the keg of glory! Keg of glory references aside, I’m not really sure how to feel about it. For a project that’s been in the works for four years (see above, re: holy cow), I expected more fanfare when I turned it in. I was singularly underwhelmed by the lack of fireworks or applause, I tell you. Next time I’ll have to be sure to rent a band ahead of time, I think. In any case: huzzah! The dissertation, she is done. Now I get to relax for two weeks while my advisor reads it in its entirety. If you’ll excuse me, I have a keg of glory waiting for me.

Rampant love

emily — Tue, 04 May 2010 23:47:56 +0000

I spent nine hours straight editing chapter three of my dissertation today. Nine. Hours. Straight. Rather than bore you with the details of that (like how, in a moment of desperation, I used the phrase “rampant love”– but don’t worry! I deleted it in favor of something more academically acceptable), I thought I’d tell you all about how I washed my iPod shuffle the other day. … ….. … Except, now that I think of it, that’s pretty much all there is to say about that. I washed my iPod shuffle. I let it sit in the sun. It’s fine now, except when it decides that it’s not. At that point, I have to employ the tough love method (maybe even the rampant tough love method!) The end. And how are things with you?

Spring Break, Florida style

emily — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 03:21:21 +0000

So! [claps hands] Where were we? After Friday’s debacle, I’m pretty relieved to be on Spring Break right now. Spring Break as a grad student is so very, very different from Spring Break as an undergrad. To wit: I’m on Spring Break Day Two and there’s nary a beach in sight. I’m in Florida, sure, but that’s about it. (My brother called the other night and, choking back laughter, asked if I was going to Florida for Spring Break. Har har har.) So what am I doing with my time, you ask? I’m catching some sun! I’m sleeping in late! I’m enjoying the beautiful weather! I’m… completely lying: in fact, I’m working on my dissertation. While I could pretend to be bummed about that, I’m actually totally jazzed. I’m so jazzed that I just used the word “jazzed.” It’s been since last summer that I had this kind of time to devote to my own research and I honestly couldn’t be happier. I only interrupted my work twice today: once for lunch and once to update my Facebook page about the Lohan-a-holic brouhaha. Because, seriously, could she be more crazy? Milk-a-whaaat? Good stuff. Here’s to Spring Break 2010! Come on down, the weather’s fine!

Newsflash

emily — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 14:22:52 +0000

I think the hardest thing about writing a dissertation is that it takes so damn long. I know, right? After six and a half years of graduate school, that’s my great revelation: writing a dissertation takes a long time. I’ll be accepting my Nobel Prize any minute now for this great contribution to knowledge. But yeah, it takes an awful long time, it’s hard work, and it’s so personal– I don’t think people on the outside, as it were, can quite fathom the process. From the outside, I’d guess, all that’s obvious is the sheer amount of time the whole thing is taking. From the inside, of course, there’s never enough time. There’s not enough time to conquer all the edits and all the tweaks and all the, well, writing. And on top of that, there are other things: applying for grants, applying for jobs, teaching, writing articles and presenting papers (so that you can get a job), oh and: eating, sleeping, living. For a number of reasons, none of which is that I haven’t been working “hard enough,” I’ve had to push my graduation date from May to August this year. Three months. Not a big deal, in the broad scheme of things. It’ll mean seven full years of graduate school, start to finish, which includes my MA. Which isn’t exactly a record, you know. The average PhD in history, including an MA, takes a full decade. And it’s not as if I’ve got a job waiting for me after August. (Heck, I’ll still be living in Gainesville for another year after graduation.) In fact, the job market is so bad that most professors here are advising PhD candidates to just postpone graduation indefinitely, until there’s a job offer. Because once you graduate, you’re stamped with an expiration date, as it were. You start to go stale unless you’re one of the lucky few who can land a job. And I know all of that. The logical part of my brain gets that. But even though I know that, part of me– the part with senioritis– wonders what’s taking so damn long.

NaBloPoMo: Oneida

emily — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 13:30:50 +0000

So I’ve been researching the Oneida community for my dissertation and WOW, was that some weird shit! I mean, I know as historians we’re trained to be impartial and to not make value judgments, but WHOA. WHOA is what I have to say about that. I’m currently reading My Father’s House: An Oneida Boyhood at the same time that I’m reading Desire and Duty at Oneida: Tirzah Miller’s Intimate Memoir. As the titles might suggest, they represent two very different perspectives of the Oneida experience (one being childlike and innocent and the other being more… uh… experienced and graphic). I’m always telling my students that people in the past were really very different from us. Contrary to what The Flintstones or even The Patriot would have us believe, they weren’t just like us only in different clothing. Therefore, we need to take them on their own terms. We won’t always be able to understand or come to grips with the things they did. And rather than bore you with the details of my research, I’ll just say that I’m having a bit of a hard time doing that with the Oneida folks. Interesting reading, for sure, but hard to bend my mind around.

Something’s gotta give

emily — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 16:04:01 +0000

Whenever people gush over how organized I am, I can’t help but think about my office. Here’s half of my workspace these days: