On priorities, the reshuffling thereof
April 20, 2010emily 4 Comments »My parents came for a visit this weekend and it was so wonderful to see them. I’ve written before about how hard it is to be so very far away from home, but what has surprised me even more is that this hasn’t gotten easier despite the fact that we’ve been in Florida for seven years. (Which: seven years, GAH!) I guess I always thought that I’d develop thicker skin and the hurt would subside after a time and then, ultimately, disappear. But it hasn’t. It’s as hard as it always has been. Yesterday morning, after dropping my parents off at the airport, I felt like my heart was literally breaking in two. We get to see them for a grand total of about six days a year. And I’ve come to the conclusion that that’s just not acceptable to me. But I’m not supposed to think that (much less say that), am I? As an academic, I’m supposed to go where the job is. I’m supposed to be willing to sacrifice everything on the alter of publish or perish. I’m supposed to happily live hundreds of miles from the people and places I know and love, so that I can raise my flag in the ivory tower. But I want a better life than that, a fuller life than that. I want to have more than a passing relationship with the people in my heart. I don’t know how I’m going to make it happen, and I don’t know if I’ll wind up in academia on the other side. But I think it might be time to rethink my priorities.
Posted on April 21st, 2010 at 6:54 am
I understand that heartbreak. You’re a clever girl; you’ll make it happen.
Posted on April 22nd, 2010 at 7:23 pm
You only go around once. Family first.
Posted on April 23rd, 2010 at 1:39 pm
I am very close to my family, live on the other end of the country from most of them and yet I cannot relate to this feeling and sometimes that worries me when I hear others talk about this heart wrenching departure feeling. Of course, I manage to fly home fairly often and I talk to my mom more times a week than I care to admit so maybe I just don’t go long enough between visits. I love my family, just in controlled portions.
Posted on April 23rd, 2010 at 5:33 pm
That may be exactly it, Alyssa– I don’t get to see my family very frequently. I see my parents about twice a year, for a couple days at a time; I see my brother once a year, at Christmas; and I haven’t seen my sister and brother-in-law in five years (and I haven’t even met two of my nieces!). If we could visit each other more often, it would be easier. As it is, well, it sucks.