On friendship and the march of time
October 16, 2009emily 5 Comments »Do you ever wonder how friendships die? Not even die, so much, as just shrivel and wilt? In our formative years, we build friendships that we think will last forever. We immortalize them in yearbooks, even: “Best friends forever!” We can’t imagine a time when these friends, this pseudo family, would not be around. And then, inevitably, time marches on. People grow apart. And the friendship withers. You go on to college, maybe even graduate school, and you make more connections. Deeper connections, you think, because you’re older and wiser and can relate to people on a deeper level. And stuff. But then, almost imperceptibly, those friendships start to fade as well. It’s not even usually, at least in my experience, that there’s a catalyst for The Wither. There’s not something that you can easily point to that explains why it happens. It just does. There’s a beautiful passage in Amy Tan’s The Joy Luck Club that, I think, captures all of this. She says, “I think about all the different ways we leave people in this world. Cheerily waving good-bye to some at airports, knowing we’ll never see each other again. Leaving others on the side of the road, hoping that we will.” Sometimes I catch myself thinking about these withered friendships, wondering if there’s something I could have done differently to keep them alive. Or maybe it’s just part of life?
Posted on October 16th, 2009 at 6:14 pm
I often think about lost friendships. That is probably why I make such a huge effort to stay in touch with the high school friends I still have (don’t really keep in touch with anyone from college).
Posted on October 18th, 2009 at 12:19 am
Beautifully, beautifully put. I’m one who has worried in the past and felt guilt about withered friendships, but grown more into a belief that some friendships fade and it’s perfectly okay to let them go and be grateful for what they were.
Posted on October 19th, 2009 at 2:18 am
You’re a wonderful friend, and I love you!
Posted on October 21st, 2009 at 1:51 pm
I think our friendship would have qualified under this blog post…
Yet I will continue to post anonymously.
I’m glad to know you’re doing well and all, but people change and grow apart.
I could not/would not (go Dr. Seuss!) be friends now with many folks who were, at one time or another in my life, close friends.
Sometimes it is for the best. We can’t change if we hold on to the people who prefer we remain the person we can no longer be.
Posted on October 21st, 2009 at 2:41 pm
Anon: I know what you mean. It’s for that exact reason that I don’t accept many "friendships" on Facebook. I wish all those people well, naturally. But I’m a different person now and I think that sort of pseudo interest in someone’s life cheapens the friendship that once was.